#19 – Being Kind Towards One’s Parents
Dec 13 – 19, 2021
Jumaadal Ula 9 – 15, 1443


Being Kind Towards One's Parents

What have Allah and His Messenger said about

Being Kind Towards One's Parents

وَقَضىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلّا تَعبُدوا إِلّا إِيّاهُ وَبِالوالِدَينِ إِحسانًا ۚ إِمّا يَبلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ الكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُما أَو كِلاهُما فَلا تَقُل لَهُما أُفٍّ وَلا تَنهَرهُما وَقُل لَهُما قَولًا كَريمًا
Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and do good to parents. If any one of them or both of them reach old age, do not say to them: uff (a word or expression of anger or contempt) and do not scold them, and address them with respectful words,

[Surah Al-Israa, Verse 23]
…وَٱعْبُدُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ وَلَا تُشْرِكُوا۟ بِهِۦ شَيْـًٔا ۖ وَبِٱلْوَٰلِدَيْنِ إِحْسَـٰنًا
Worship Allah, and do not associate with Him anything, and be good to parents …

[Surah An-Nisa, Verse 36]
عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَمْرٍو عَنْ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ رِضَى الرَّبِّ فِي رِضَى الْوَالِدِ وَسَخَطُ الرَّبِّ فِي سَخَطِ الْوَالِدِ
Abdullah ibn Amr reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “The pleasure of the Lord is in the pleasure of the father, and the displeasure of the Lord is in the displeasure of the father.”

[Sunan al-Tirmidhī 1899]
مالك بن ربيعة الساعدي رضي الله عنه قال‏:‏ بينا نحن جلوس عند رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم إذ جاءه رجل من بني سلمة فقال‏:‏ يا رسول الله هل بقي من بر أبوي شيء أبرهما به بعد موتهما‏؟‏ فقال‏:‏ ‏ “‏ نعم، الصلاة عليهما، والاستغفار لهما، وإنفاذ عهدهما من بعدهما، وصلة الرحم التي لا توصل إلا بهما، وإكرام صديقهما‏”‏ ‏(‏‏(‏رواه أبو داود‏)‏‏)‏‏.‏
Abu Usaid Malik bin Rabi’ah As-Sa’idi (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: We were sitting with Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) when a man of Banu Salamah came to him and asked, “O Messenger of Allah! Is there any obedience to parents left that I can show to them after their death?” He (ﷺ) replied, “Yes, to pray for them, to supplicate for their forgiveness, to fulfill their promises after their death, to maintain the ties of kinship which cannot be maintained except through them, and honour their friends.”

[Riyad as-Salihin 343]
The Importance of Respecting One’s Parents

Imam al-Qurtubi says that, in this verse (23), Allah Ta’ala has made it necessary (wajib) to respect and treat parents well by combining it with the command to worship Him. This is similar to what has been said in Surah Luqman where the inevitable need to thank Him has been combined with the need to thank one’s parents: (Be grateful to Me, and to your parents – 31:14). This proves that, after the obligation of worshipping the most exalted Allah, obeying parents is most important and being grateful to parents like being grateful to Allah Ta’ala is wajib (necessary). This has its confirmation in the Hadith of Sahih al-Bukhari where a person reportedly asked the Holy Prophet (SAW): “Which is the most favored deed in the sight of Allah?” He said, “Salah at its (mustahabb: preferred) time.” The person asked again, “Which is the most favored deed after that?” To that he said, “Treating parents well.” (Qurtubi).

The Importance of Respecting One’s Parents

To support this ruling, Imam al-Qurtubi has quoted an event related with Sayyidah Asma’ (RA) from the Sahih of al-Bukhari. According to this report, Sayyidah Asma’ (RA) asked the Holy Prophet, “My mother, a Mushrik, comes to see me. Is it permissible for me to entertain her?” He said, “صلي أمك” (That is, respect the bond of relationship with your mother and entertain her). And as for disbelieving parents, there is that statement of the Qur’an itself (Luqman, 31:15): ” وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِى ٱلدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًا” (that is, if the parents of a person are kafirs and order him too to become like them, then, it is not permissible to obey them in this matter. But, while living in this world, they should be treated in the recognized manner). It is obvious that ‘recognized manner’ means that they should be treated with courtesy.
Virtues of Showing Kindness to One’s Parents

1) In the Musnad of Ahmad, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah and Mustadrak Hakim, it has been reported on sound authority from Sayyidna Abu ‘d-Darda (RA) that the Holy Prophet (SAW) said, “A father is the main gate of Jannah. Now it is up to you to preserve or waste it.” (Mazhan)

2) Ibn Majah reports on the authority of Sayyidna Abu Umamah (RA) that a person asked the Holy Prophet (SAW) “What rights do parents have on their children?” He said, “They both are your Paradise, or Hell.” It means that obeying and serving parents take one to Jannah and their disobedience and displeasure, to Jahannam.

3) Al-Baihaqi (in Shu’ab al-‘Iman) and Ibn Asakir have reported on the authority of Sayyidna Ibn Abbas (RA) that the Holy Prophet (SAW) said, “For one who remained obedient to his parents for the sake of Allah two gates of Paradise shall remain open. And for one who disobeyed them two gates of Hell shall remain open, and if he had just one of the two, either father or mother, then, one gate (of Paradise or Hell shall remain open).” Thereupon, someone asked, “Does it (the warning of Hell) hold good even when the parents have been unjust to this person?” Then he said thrice: (و ان ظلما و ان ظلما و ان ظلما) ‘yes, there is that warning of Hell against disobeying and hurting parents even if they were unjust to the son.’ (The outcome is that children have no right to settle scores with parents. If they have been unjust, it does not follow that they too back out from obeying and serving them).

4) Al-Baihaqi has reported on the authority of Sayyidna ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Abbas (RA) that the Holy Prophet gf said, “An obedient son who looks at his parents with mercy and affection receives the reward of one accepted Hajj against every such look cast.” People around said, “What if he were to look at them like that a hundred times during the day?” He said, “Yes, a hundred times too (he will keep receiving that reward). Allah is great (His treasures never run short).”

[Maarif ul Quran Vol-5, Maktabah Dar al Uloom, Translation by Prof. Muhammad Hasan Askari & Prof. Muhammad Shamim, Page 480 – 482]

Spiritual Reminders

A Sign of The Day of Judgement
There is a famous hadith where Jibreel (AS) came in the form of a human being and posed several questions to the prophet (SAW). One of those questions was, “Tell me when the Day of Judgement is.” The prophet (SAW) said, “The one who is being asked does not know any more than the one who is asking.” Just like Jibreel (AS) did not know when the day is, neither does the prophet (SAW) know. Then, Jibreel (AS) said, “Tell me some of its signs.” The prophet (SAW) told him some of its signs. Of the signs was, “A slave girl will give birth to the woman that owns her.” Meaning that mothers who give birth to their children will end up becoming like the slaves of those children, hence the slaves giving birth to the woman who owns her. Her daughters will, instead of acting like daughters and being obedient, will, basically, tell her what to do, instead listening to her and looking after her. The children will be the ones who will be giving the orders and commands and they will be running their parents.

One of the common themes of all of the signs of the Day of Judgement is that there is a reversal of roles and functions. Things that normally are supposed to happen one way will happen the exact opposite way. So, instead of children acting like children and listening to and following their parents, they will oblige the parents to listen to them. This is a moment of reflection, that, “How many times is it that children persist and insist with their parents until their parents leave and give up whatever it is that they are saying?” This is understandable to an extent because children are children and will occasionally disobey, but what we are talking about is children being completely disobedient to their parents, pushing their parents around and forcing them to do their bidding. This could be raising their voice, always arguing or having a reason not to listen, becoming aggressive, threatening them or using some method or other to get the parents to obey the children. The prophet (SAW) said, “When you see this happening, you will see the Day of Judgement is close.” This makes it very important for us to make sure that we play the role that we are supposed to play.
As parents, we should act like parents, and as children, we should act like children. Our first duty in this world, after our duty to Allah (SWT), is to our parents, and parents are irreplaceable. So, may Allah (SWT) make us not from one of those people who are used as an example of the Day of Judgement, but rather, make us from one of the people whose punishments from Allah (SWT) is withheld because we are being good people, and really, if we are not good with our parents, then after that, does it really matter if we are good with anyone else? Those who gave birth to us and have the greatest right over us – if we do not acknowledge this, this means that we are not ready to do the basics of what is expected of us in this world.

In another hadith talking about reversals, the prophet (SAW), while enumerating the signs of the Day of Judgement, says, “A person will bring their friends close to them and push their parents away, even though the companionship of their parents is irreplaceable.” This person would spend time with other people in order to spend time and enjoy life with, meanwhile, their parents may be suffering, sad or unhealthy. They will say, “My parents are always giving me a hard time, but my friends don’t judge me or tell me what to do. These are the people who really care for me.” All of these types of conversations start occurring, and again, there is a reversal, that we should have kept our parents close to us but replaced them with complete strangers. These are all things that have been told to us so that we can abstain from them. May Allah (SWT) give us the ability to do the right things and make us from those who care for their parents in the way that we are supposed to.

[Mufti Aasim Rashid, Role Reversal Before the Day of Judgement]



The Prophet’s (ﷺ) Love For His Mother
The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) went back to being in the care of his mother, Amina, in Makkah. Amina decided to make a trip to Yathrib, which later became the blessed city of Medina. Some say his mother wanted him to meet the extended family members; others report it was because she wanted to visit the grave of her husband, Abdullah, who died in Medina. The two were accompanied by Umm Aiman (Barakah), one of the milk mothers of the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam). They spent time in Quba and Yathrib, staying for about one month. They left Yathrib and travelled to a place called Abwa: it is here that Amina passed away due to an unknown illness.
Umm Aiman buried the mother of the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) and embraced Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi wasallam), who was 6 years old. Some reports say she returned to Yathrib with the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam), where they stayed for a few days until his grandfather, Abdul-Muttalib, came to take him home. Other reports mention Umm Aiman returned to Makkah with Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) alone.
Once, the Sahabah were with the Prophet at a place near Abwa. The Prophet asked them to wait until he came back, requesting that no-one followed him. He returned looking ill and heavy-hearted. He then explained that he went to the grave his mother. Initially, the Prophet had forbidden the visiting of graves, to distance people from idol worship. However, when they had become secure in their faith, he then allowed them to visit graves.
Another narration shows the shear sadness of the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) from these memories of his mother. Some Sahabah are reported to have accompanied the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) to a grave, where he sat down and cried profusely, to the point where he choked up and lost his breath. The Sahabah also started crying. Umar comforted the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) and asked why he was crying so much, to which the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) replied that the grave was that of his beloved mother. This story shows the human, emotional side of the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam).

Read Next Blog: Islamic Teachings about Isa (AS)

Sunnah Acts

Actions Loved By Allah (SWT)
Abu ‘Amr ash-Shaybani said, “The owner of this house (and he pointed at the house of ‘Abdullah ibn Mas’ud) said, “I asked the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, which action Allah loves best. He replied,

‘Prayer at its proper time.’ ‘Then what?’ I asked.

He said, ‘Then kindness to parents.” I asked, ‘Then what?’

He replied, ‘Then striving in the path of Allah.”

He added, “He told me about these things. If I had asked him to tell me more, he would have told me more.”

[Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 1]


Dua Far Parents
رَّبِّ ٱرْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِى صَغِيرًا

rabbi irhamhuma kama rabbayanee sagheera

“”My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.””

[Quran 17:24]

رَبَّنَا ٱغْفِرْ لِى وَلِوَٰلِدَىَّ وَلِلْمُؤْمِنِينَ يَوْمَ يَقُومُ ٱلْحِسَابُ

Rabbana ighfir lee waliwalidayya wa lilmumineena yawma yaqoomu alhisab

“”Our Lord, forgive me and my parents and the believers the Day the account is established””

[Quran 14:41]

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